If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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