South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
