Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize