Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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