So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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