I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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