Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
