What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
