If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
