My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
