Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
