I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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