I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
