I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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