I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize