You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
