Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
