brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
