If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
