i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
