I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
