I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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