Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
