Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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