I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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