i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
