he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
