I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
