the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
