Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
