my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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