a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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