went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
