So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
