Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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