he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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