i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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