i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
