In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
