so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize