i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
