i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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