Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
