hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
