What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
