I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
