my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
