if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize