Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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