I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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