he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
