Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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