that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
