Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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