Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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