I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
