Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
