Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
