Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
