My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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