Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
