We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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