Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
