Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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