kristin has been a bad kristin
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
