Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
