I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
