Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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