The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
