went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
