I should be sponsored by Trojan
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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