Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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