so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
