You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
