Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
