Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
