chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
