your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
