Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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