Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
