so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
