what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
