Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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