This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
