How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
