I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize