made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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