i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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