i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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