i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
