Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Holy sore nipples Batman
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