A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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