Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
