Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
