it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
