you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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