Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
