Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
