Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
