Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
