JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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