Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
