Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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