Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize