do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
