He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
