I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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