Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize