Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
